It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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