Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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