His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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