I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize