So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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