when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
