Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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