Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
