i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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