We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
