The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
