speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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