I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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