I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
