So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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