I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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