I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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