I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Still dying that you shit outside
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
