I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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