i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
