So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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