What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
