you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
