It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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