He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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