We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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