I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
