It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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