pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
