I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
