Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
