I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
