I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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