new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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