Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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