he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
