I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
