I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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