And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
