I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm like, not good at living.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
