this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
