Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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