Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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