He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I could make wine with my vomit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
