i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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