I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
