I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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