lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
