KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
