some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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