I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
