So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
