it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
