please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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