I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pants are for mortals
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
