I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
