i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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