No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
