Michael Bay diarrhea
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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