I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
