You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
