Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's always time for handjobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
