I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize