he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
