If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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