Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...