What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.