I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups