3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well you can't waste a boner
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...