She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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