Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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