Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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