He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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