I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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