we have officially lost it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
