my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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