You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
