Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
