There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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